The Great Chicago Fail Festival

     Back in 2009 when Chicago was bidding for the Olympics, Jim Lasko started brainstorming as to what Chicago's Opening Ceremony might look like.  Looking for something uniquely Chicago, he came up with the beginnings of a plan.  But once Chicago lost the Games, his thinking was put on the back burner. This past Saturday night 30,000 people lined the banks of the Chicago River between State and Columbus to see the realization of Lasko's vision, which had taken form as the Great Chicago Fire Festival. The festival was meant to be a celebration of the city's rebirth from the Great Chicago Fire in 1871.  The event, which was organized by Redmoon(a Chicago-based arts group), was actually the culmination of several months worth of smaller interactions and engagements with many of Chicago's diverse neighborhoods.


     October 4, 2014 was to be the conclusion of the Festival, the Grand Spectacle, which would culminate in 3 Victorian-style house mock-ups being set on fire in the River.  The first activity was a neighborhood bazaar taking place along Upper Wacker Drive, with various artisans and other vendors selling their unique wares that helped to show off Chicago's diversity.  Starting at 5:30, there were two stages set up(one of them being in Pioneer Court) where various acts performed for the next two hours, such as She, The O'Mys(just over a month removed from their successful show at the Bash on Wabash), Dragon Dancers from St. Therese Chinese School, Keyani, a performance by the Happiness Club, as well as many other acts. At 7:35, there was an announcement of winners and a trophy presentation at one of the stages, and the show was all set to begin.  After the arrival of some dignitaries on boats, the Spectacle was on.  First up, two stars from NBC's Chicago Fire(because of course they'd do that) lowered a fire cauldron from the Michigan Avenue Bridge.  Other participants lowered 14 more cauldrons.  Then 3 steamships came through, led by the S.S. O'Leary(because once again, of course they'd do that).  The steamships were to take the fires from the buoys and use them to ignite the Victorian mock-ups mentioned earlier.  After the houses burned, a "symbolic, interior core" was to be exposed.  After that, fireworks would go off and 30,000 screaming fans would cheer their approval, then the first annual Great Chicago Fire Festival would be a success.  Right?

Wrong.

     It was all going so well. The stage acts went off without a hitch, there were 30,000 people waiting on the banks of the river, Jesse Spencer and Taylor Kinney lowered the first cauldron, and the O'Leary fleet did their thing.  Just one problem: the houses didn't burn up, they just caught on fire and then fizzled out.  Apparently, the safety system integrated into each of the houses was too efficient for its own good.  The internal propane tanks in each house were designed not to unleash the propane until an electrical impulse was issued from the pilot light.  Unfortunately, the houses were so moist that the impulses failed to go.  Ergo, no fire.  After several failed attempts, Redmoon cut their losses and went straight to fireworks.  In the wake of the let down, there has been an uprising on Twitter, disappointed Chicagoans, a comparison to Geraldo's ill-fated attempt at digging up some dirt on Capone, and even an inquiry by Alderman Ed Burke into just how much money was wasted on the spectacle that wasn't.  As of now, the head of Redmoon says that they intend to try again next year, so I guess the answer for now is just to stay tuned for 2015.